SEE ME!!!

When we were in high school, that was a dreaded note to find in your CAT Paper (Continuous Assessment Test). Though it never came as a shocker to me since the marks on my paper would show you why I was being asked to see the teacher. With a score of 18% in my mathematics CAT, that comment on the last page of my paper while I'm trying to count to confirm that my marks were actually 9. Not so hard to count when you're looking at a paper that had about 30 questions. That was my life in high school. There was a time I found that the teacher had made an error in counting my marks. To be honest with humanity, I  can tell you this now since am hoping my Chemistry teacher *yeah it was the same problem in Maths and Chemistry don't judge me* does not read this and penalise me of my marks. So where was I, yeah I actually realised that I had scored less than what was awarded to me, I had 24% when I was supposed to have 20%. No I did not go back to my teacher to correct them, even the bible says we should forgive seventy times seven. So I forgave my teacher though I still had to '' See'' my teacher.

So back to the essence of all these words, when the teachers would ask that I see them, it would still make my insides curdle. This was definitely not because I was excited to see them but because I used to feel like they had something against me. Like it was their way of getting back at humanity for all the problems they had to deal with and for pollution and the the high inflation rate of the local currency... but nothing to do with my best interests at heart.

To think years later that they were trying to help me, is so freeing and am like why did I not know this earlier. Reason I say this is because I would go to see them with a strong self made mental fort for ''you will not get to me''.
So when the teacher asks what can I do to help, am hearing, I want to make your life a living hell, how do I do that?? Sic, I know but that was me. It's the same thing am experiencing with my relationship with God. I have moments when I feel like God has written the '' SEE ME'' note on my performance in various areas of my life. In my work, in my relationships with family and friends, in my prayer life, in my finances. I hope you get the drift, if you don't see me!!
But I realise that when God wants a one on one with me, it's for my own good. He is the source of my life and when I look to Him, all is well. Things start falling out of place when I start doing stuff based on what I think is best from my point of view. The teachers were teachers, trained to teach and make things better for their students, so everything they did was on the basis of making me better, making their students better.

It's the same thing with God, He loves you and me and all He does is in  love, so when you feel the ''SEE ME'' all up in your space.. take a chill pill. it's for your own good.

The journals are available for sale hand made by my good friend Njeri Waidhima of Thakara Designs.
They go for kshs. 1500.00 and can be personalised with your name at the top. Waiting to hear from you...